I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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