fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
