i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
