Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
