I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
