In the future we'll all be gay
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
