me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
