So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
