i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
