There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
