apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
