you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
