you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
