I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
