Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
