I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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