Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
