you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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