I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
