I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize