i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dicks are not precious.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
