remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
