I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
