Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
