And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
