I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
