My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
