I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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