In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
