Your tits are I can't wait for
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
