Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
