Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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