I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
