Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
