no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
