you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
