NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
