Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
