hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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