There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
