It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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