why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
