i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
