An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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