he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
