Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
