So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
MIDGETS
????
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
