when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I could make wine with my vomit
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize