Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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