i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
