you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
