my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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