mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
