Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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