i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
