FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
