And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ttyl tear gas
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
