You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
