So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
