At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
