Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
