Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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