Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
