hotel room ftw
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
