Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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