I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
