Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
