They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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