That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize