if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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