I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
