Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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