Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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