this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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