I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
