Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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