watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
