Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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