I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
