it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
