Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
