Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize