New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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