I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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