i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
