i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
