I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
