I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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