Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
