I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
