Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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