This girl is more easily done than said...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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