i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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