Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
