Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
