When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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