he puts the penis in happiness.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
