3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
