Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize