I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
