So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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