Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
