How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
