he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
