Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
