it hurts more in the daytime
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
