He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
