Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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