I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize