You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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