fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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