The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
